Note to self #003: Choose happiness every time.
Live.
Take in a deep breath and inhale all positivity, possibilities, and hopes for the future. Now exhale all forms of doubts, second thoughts, naysayers, and any other bit of negativity deep within you.
Let it go.
All of it.
Life is too short for us to dwell on things that we can’t control. So many of us are fixated on the idea of having life perfectly together and moving in ways that the younger version of ourselves imagined long ago. I don’t know if you got the memo or not, but life is nothing like we imagined when we were kids. Adulthood can be filled with moments where it feels as if your face has suddenly hit the concrete. There’s mostly bills and almost never enough money to cover the amount of debt accumulated by the tender age of 25.
In August of 2017, I was still buzzing from the idea of celebrating my 27th birthday for an entire month. I made plans to go to several music festivals, made a few dinner plans, and planned my own little getaway. I was determined to continue on the fight to be happy by any means necessary. Solange’s “Rise” was still a mantra that only I heard as I begun to embrace this month for what it was and open my heart up to possibilities.
“Fall in your ways, so you can crumble. Fall in your ways, so you can sleep at night. Fall in your ways, so you can wake up and rise.”
Spiritually high and filled with hope, I woke up one hot steamy morning in Kissimmee, Florida—my getaway. My eyelids were heavy from the night of drinking I partook in upon arriving, but I was well aware of my surroundings once I realized my pillows and sheets were softer than normal. My eyes scanned the walls covered in a striped tan wallpaper. I found the common necessities of a hotel room: two dressers, two nightstands, a flat screen television, a microwave, a sink, a vanity area, and the door leading to the bathroom.
Across the room, a friend of mine was fast asleep in her identical all white queen sized bed. She accompanied me on this trip since everyone else dropped out at the last minute. Like most vacations that get planned with a group of people, this trip started off with four hopefuls, only to end with one. You know, when I really think about it this may have been a blessing in disguise. Who needs more people? That’s just more opinions to factor in when it comes to activities and food choices.
While I laid in bed, I reflected on my work week before arriving to Kissimmee and attempted to retrace my steps from the night before. I couldn’t remember last night past the initial drinking. However, I did remember a Mustang that sat in the hotel’s parking lot waiting for me. I recalled driving that bad boy all the way to the hotel after we landed a day ago, completely zoning out my friend’s comments on the scenery. I grinned while I laid in bed. I was at ease. My troubles were behind me and to think it all started the moment I signed my name on those rental papers for the car.
By the time my friend and I were completely awake and fully prepared to take on Florida, we had a full itinerary of things to do. However, a part of me had very little desire to follow it. I had been on a schedule since I arrived back home after Doomsday. “NO MORE PLANS!” is what I told myself mentally as my friend ran down the many activities for the duration of the trip.
Thanks, Groupon.
The discounted activities and ladies-free-before-12 events sounded great, but I wasn’t too thrilled about doing them. The only plan I had in mind was to be at peace. My only duty during this trip was to discover another form of happiness, get to know it, and find ways to sustain it. My idea of peace came in the form of sunbathing, lounging poolside, eating ... and doing all of that with a drink in my hand at all times. And let’s not forget that gunmetal colored Ford Mustang that waited on me. Anything else was tolerable or just added perks.
Actually, let me rethink this.
A few of the activities she planned were actually dope. We played mini golf one day and made it an entire experience of our own. Between playing the game and stopping to take photos, we also created several videos capturing our silly sides. Victory dances, scenery panes, made-up adventurous excursions to the wild unknown, and iconic entrances into the Mustang were all captured on our phones. After mini golf, we went to a Latin restaurant and Happy Birthday was sung to me with impeccably timed adlibs from me. We ended that day with our own rendition of Tupac’s “Thug Passion.” Add some Korbel with a bottle of Red Passion Alize poured into a paper cup conveniently labeled “cup”, and you have successfully made Thug Passion on a budget.
We also visited Ripley’s Believe It or Not! and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. If it wasn't the incredibly detailed portrait of Beyoncé made of buttons that caught my attention, it was the Prince portrait made entirely of the film from a cassette tape or the giant picture of Jimi Hendrix made up of playing cards. And if you walked deeper into the museum, you’d come across this trippy-like tunnel that made you dizzy whether you walked through it or not. When all was said and done, we ended our day at the pool doing my most favorite thing ever: not a damn thing.
I was happy.
I was so thrilled about my days spent in Florida that I made a few compilation videos filled with photos and videos the both of us took during the trip. While I built my 21st century memory capsules, I couldn’t help but notice my glow. My tan worked wonders on me, giving me a golden-like glow in just about every photo. My smile touched my eyes, transforming them into thin slits of bright-eyed happiness. I looked so happy and at peace. I wasn’t fixated on the past or recalling conversations from work. I was living in the now, and neither topic was in Kissimmee, Florida.
Viktor Frankl says, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any set of circumstances, to choose one’s way.” In a more modern sense, the choice to be happy is the last thing left when everything else has gone to shit in our lives. I’m glad I chose to be happy that summer. It was a goal that was achieved with a few activities and great company. In just those short weeks of choosing happiness, I learned that it is achievable ... despite everything. All I needed to do was act in that choice.